McClelland 2009 Holiday Spirit

This tobacco reminds me of a time, many years ago. When I had been living in London, I was, at the time a banker and dabbled a bit into money lending. All the greed and money hording eventually caught up with me and I became a very stingy and bitter fool. I had one man under my employ by the name of Cratchit, Bob Cratchit to be exact. I had taken it up as a hobby to try to make this man's life a living hell, after all, he was poor, and the world needed to be rid of peasants such as him. On one Eve of Christmas, after my stupid arrogant nephew came and tried to convince me to enjoy the holiday; Cratchit had the nerve to wish me a "happy Christmas", I should have knocked his blinking block off for uttering such rubbish to me. I, having rejected the idea of Christmas, told Cratchit that if he wanted to keep his job, he would continue to count money, crunch numbers and keep the books as i had asked. It was bad enough that the man picked my pocket every Christmas when he DIDNT WORK... WITH PAY! I had no pity for him and his pathetic crippled son, Timothy. I needed my money.

I was so consumed with my lust for money that my mind had created a phrase that, in my mind best embodied my frustrations, "Ba Humbug". As I would walk the streets, people would see me and in order to show my great displeasure upon them, I would look at them and say "Ba humbug!" This attitude led to a sort of notoriety among the town folk, but I didnt care. Half of them owed me money anyways, I held all the cards in the end.

That night after I had my nightly crumpet with butter and a nasty glass of warm sheep's milk, I started off to bed. Almost immediately after drifting off to bed,I was awoken by a great brute by the name of "Jacob Marley", my old fool of a business partner. This startled me, but never the less, I listened to the apparition in front of me. Marley proceded to warn me about some things which I payed not much attention to. The great oaf was covered in chains. Warned me about 3 ghosts, and being greedy. But being greedy I wanted to take his chains to melt them down and counterfeit them as jewelry. As I went back to sleep, I was abruptly awoken by a jolly fat man who claimed to be the "Ghost of Christmas Present". He took through a door that led to mountains of food, and on top of the mountain of food was McClelland's Holiday Spirit Pipe tobacco. I smoked it there out of a pipe provided by the great fool known as christmas present. I smoked and it was Good, filling the room with sweet memories of the olden days, when I used to get wanked. It was good. I was then shown the path by two other Ghosts of what would happen if I didnt load myself up with this Holiday Spirit tobacco.... I would be dead, and nobody would have a second thought.

I changed my ways, and gave out roast ducks to the scum living on the streets. Holiday Spirit changed my life. Very pleasant aftertaste. Now towns people refer to me as Big Papa. And now I just give people money instead of running a legitimate business and I was able to pay for Tiny Tim to have his spine fixed. In Conclusion, if this is your first time smoking, please let the Ghosts show you a good time.