“What is this?” I asked

“Its simple really” He said from behind his thick glasses. “You have access to a place that I cannot go.”

“The chocolate factory…” I muttered.

“Right. Your golden ticket ensures your entry, giving you access to what I’ve been seeking for so long.”

I looked back at him, “You want me to get the Everlasting Gobstopper for you, you crook.”

“No! Forget the damned Gobstopper! I want you to bring me Bob’s Chocolate flake and kill Willy Wonka!” He said, face red with frustration. "Forgive me," he said, "I want this flake. This is half of the money now", pointing at the briefcase. "The rest you will get if you complete the job."

I looked at Slugworth, then back at the money. Pondering my own ethics and whether I could pull it off. “Deal.” I said. It would change my life forever.

********* There I found myself, standing over Mr. Wonka, gun at his head. He stared up at me, face half fear, half disgust. Blood was streaming down his face from a where I had sucker pistol whipped him at his stupid half desk.

“You’ll never get it from me! EVER!” He spat.

“We’ll see about that” I said. Wonka had no idea what I had in store for him. “I’ll do whatever I need to do to get the Flake, Wonka. You think I got this far without getting my hands dirty?”

With frightened eyes, he tried to force a response, lips trembling. “Whaa…”

“Fool Wonka. You think I’m here by accident? You think what happened to all those kids was by chance? Wrong! Augustus Gloop, Mike Teevee, Beruka, Voilet… I killed all of them, ensuring I could get this close to you.”

His eyes shook as a solemn tear ran down his cheek, “You murderer…” he whispered.

“Bingo, you Fuq. And you’ll be numbered among the candy saints too, if you don’t give me what I came here for.”

Just then, Wonka’s eyes shifted to something behind me. He telegraphed what shouldn’t have. We weren’t alone anymore. Turning, I saw 3 Oompa-Loompas in full body armor, standing inside of the doorway. The two on either side wielded sharp Samurai swords, and the one in the middle, an MP-5 sub-machine gun. In mid turn, I quickly lifted my pistol and blasted the Oompa on the far right, hitting him between helmet and Kevlar vest, blowing his neck out. The MP-5’er responded by spraying a line of bullets in my direction, which I avoided by jumping to the side, dropping my gun in the process. At this point, Wonka had moved from where he was, to the far corner, rummaging through his desk. I knew what he was trying to do. But my priority lay with dealing with the midgets in my midst. The Oompa with the MP-5 had stopped firing, reloading his gun, struggling with the clip. That was my moment. Just then the remaining swordsman came at me, sword raised, his little legs carrying him quicker than I had expected. His height gave him the advantage to out maneuver me. Once he came in range, I dropped to my knees, and as he thrust his sword at me I let it slide by, avoiding the sword, grabbing his hands and pulling him forward to me. The sword wiggled wildly behind me shoulder, striking my side multiple times with small cuts. I quickly torqued down hard his arms down and he dropped the sword once I had broken BOTH of his arms. Arms broken, and helpless, I lifted him into the air by his throat and launched him at the remaining Oompa, who was just pulling back the action on his gun to start firing again. This stalled him long enough for me to pick up the sword that lay at my side. As the Oompa regained his composure, I hurled the sword at him. The initial shock showed on his face, as the sword went through him and drove him against the wall, pinning him there as if he was a fixture of the room. I watched the light go out of his eyes as he tasted failure and defeat. Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my back. Turning, I saw Wonka leaping back from me, with the look of a frightened coward who had just stabbed a man in the back. I took the object out of my back and examined it. It was a candy cane dagger complete with a handle, hilt and blade; deep red blood was dripping off of the sinister sweet treat as I threw it aside.

“Time to finish this, Wonka.” I said, as I started over to him. When I reached him, I saw in his shaky hand a small, golden tin, with a brown and red label that read “Bob’s Chocolate Flake.” I reached down for it, as he cowered against the wall by his desk.

“I’ll take that.” I said as he reluctantly loosened his grip on the tin.

“Please… don’t…” he stammered.

“It’s over, Wonka.” I said as I placed the tin into my pocket. “There’s nothing to be said.”

“No… you don’t understand!” he pleaded “The world is not ready for this tobacco. Not yet!”

“You can tell that to Slugworth, Wonka.” I said, lifting the barrel of my gun to his head. “In Hell.”

And I pulled the trigger... with that, I opened the tin and took in the aroma. It was fabulous. I stashed one flake away for safe keeping, and if Slugworth had something to say about it, then he could suck my dick. I earned it.

I write this from the Island of the Dominican Republic, where I have chosen to live my life out as a wealthy man in exile for my crimes in the United States. In the end, it was worth it for the money, the fame and the smoke. Good stuff.

Got about 50gr bulk, put it in a jar for about 3 months and tried for the first time today.

Rubbed out and loaded a medium sized bent apple. Lights easy, doesn't need many relights, doesn't burn hot or wet. Bites if puffed hard.

I don't get the chocolate, I don't get the latakia. What I get is a musty taste and smell in addition to what must be the lakeland people talk about. I must add this is my first venture into the lakelands and probably the last; for quiet a while at least.

Wife approves the room note though, that's something right?

I'm new to all of this pipe malarkey and I've been buying a lot of tobacco recently to try and understand what’s available. These range from Holger & Danske aromatics, pure Virginias, V-Pers, some blends from my local tobacconist, Mississippi river, some Balkans and this beast of a blend. All by recommendation - so, thank you for the experience TR.

So, onwards...

OVERALL IMPRESSION: Firstly a warning - don't smoke this fast and don't smoke it wet (I'm new to this, so it was a learning experience). It will taste like crap and numb your tongue... it can smoke hot. I've read in previous reviews that this goes away with age - so I've ordered a pound for jarring and will try after 6 months.

I've tried this straight from the jar, folded and rubbed out until it resembles a fine(ish) shag. I can confirm what other users have said, definitely recommend rubbing this out fully and allowing it to dry a little before filling lightly - this seemed to result in the most pleasant smoke.

Smoked 'properly' this is quite simply some amazing stuff. I could never give this a one star review... though, I can understand why it gets them. It all has to do with the reviewers palate and though I think it's a little unfair to give this one star just because you didn't like the taste, I guess some people seem to think differently. No disrespect, just a differing of opinion. For my palate, this is four star material. I'd recommend at least trying a few bowls slowly.

In comparison to all of the pipe tobacco I've smoked (including some other 4 star blends on here) this is the first one so far that had the reaction of 'oh my, I have GOT to order more of this'.

FLAVOUR/AROMA: The 'lakeland' after-taste is definitely present on the tongue and through the nose, and I'd read of the horror stories some users experience with great interest, and a certain trepidation.

After tasting, I certainly would not refer to this as 'soapy' I don't think that word adequately describes the flavour, which if smoked slowly is actually very pleasant and is mostly of fine quality tobacco with a hint of cocoa. This definitely has a floral after note, evocative of a spring breeze (is that where the soapy reference comes from?) or a hint of pollen. It isn't like lavender or rosewater (both of which I tend to dislike). To enjoy the proper flavour you really do have to smoke this slow... otherwise it becomes a cheap cigar butt quite quickly and will definitely give you some tongue bite.

The smoke texture is dry, smooth smoky cream (again, can get damp if you smoke it too fast). There's a hint of vanilla/cocoa powder and it has a thick and pungent quality to it - the room note is pleasant and inoffensive, no hint of the floral taste remains in the smoke - only a mild cocoa and vanilla mingled with sweet virginia scent.

This tobacco burns all the way through to the bottom of the bowl into an extremely fine light grey ash - and yet, I'm not getting any nasty surprises (like some aromatics I've tried) in my last draws.

The taste through the bowl starts out light to full and slightly floral - it subtly changes about midway to a deeper and creamier smoke with more cocoa. At the mid-way point, I can taste and smell the hint of cocoa but it’s definitely more espresso-like and the casings have nearly all burned away, leaving what can only be described as a milky/creamy tobacco flavour. Then at the very end the taste starts to descend toward a stronger nuttier cigar flavour (reminds me of a Cohiba Piramides) until you are left with nothing but that fine grey powder.

This is perfectly accompanied by a cup of freshly ground black coffee - first thing in the morning, or after a meal.

At least that's what I think. The price (in bulk) is great and the jar smells lovely... like old fashioned bitter cocoa powder.

A friend of mine recommended this tobacco. I was a little bit sceptical about it.

Its smell confirmed my scepticism I thought. Nothing out of the ordinary, very plain, slightly sweet smell. Nothing complex.

But who said good means complex?

Smoking this is a completely different experience. The smoke is cool, fresh, dry (thank goodness), not overwhelmingly sweet, and has more of a cocoa liquor taste which I find so appealing. I find the Virginia taste with the cocoa taste so nice!

I love smoking pipe! So many wonderful tobaccos to experience! I will update this if I find anything different my other briar pipes (I used my small meer for this review).

UPDATE

As expected, the taste on the briar "mellows" the taste even more. And it is excellent as well...

The flakes were twisted a bit and quite dry. Just right to me! Rubbed a little out, leaving large pieces. Even though it was dry it took a few flames.

Mellow rich and a true chocolate flavour comes thru. Very rich with the Virginia leaves, creamy even. The smoke was sweet and spicey. This is what smoking a pipe is all about! Right down to the bottom of the bowl it was delicious.

Good ol Bob!

This blend could've easily been named "Bob's Flake" and left at that. Once properly dried it smokes like a very light English blend with just a distant undertones of cacao (not chocolate). The latakia is definitely noticeable.

You have to dry this one pretty good. If you don't - you will be welcomed by a bunch of goo (in taste and appearance)in your pipe. It takes a few tries to get the right drying time, but once you do - it's worth it.

I highly recommend this blend because I haven't found any blend that is like it. It has a nice, deep complexity and is more savory than sweet. I also love the fact that it has a wonderful aroma which is just as enjoyable to the smoker as it is to his company. I particularly enjoy this with a cup of good coffee. For those that do not like Latakia, I would not let the small presence of that leaf in this blend deter you.

As with most G & H blends this comes a little wet and benefits from some drying time. The cut of the tobacco once fully rubbed out is very fine which makes for a nice easy packing experience. The flavors are very nice but must be coaxed out of hiding. Smoke this too fast and you will get nothing out of it. If you can manage to play peekaboo with that last ember and smoke it slow there is a myriad of flavors and tastes going on. The chocolate thing I am not too sure about. Maybe, but certainly not enough to be titled a chocolate flake. There is definitely some Lakeland goodness here, which I love, but it is not overpowering, in fact, for much of this smoke it goes away all together. Every once in a while you get a subtle hint of the floral. Like getting a whiff off a slight breeze of an Englishman's pipe. Very enjoyable.

The really nice aspect of this blend is its use of latakia. We as pipe smokers are so used to latakia coming straight out of the pipe and announce its presence while thumping its chest. That is not the case here at all. It is in there, but the subtle use and blending technique really makes the flavor profile of the leaf change. It is nice, it gives the tobacco a sort of homey taste. It is very good.

This tobacco is very good, and I recommend everybody try it. You need to smoke this right or it will not deliver. Too fast or hot and your hope of enjoying this blend is lost. I find it smokes best in Meerschaum. Recommended.